Living Your Own Goals: Breaking Free from Others' Expectations
Let's learn how to focus on goals, avoid harmful comparisons, and live authentically, as well as explore actionable strategies for personal growth and fulfillment.
This article was originally published in 2016, and has been republished in 2025 with some of my updated thoughts.
I'm going to start with this quote from Richard Feynman
You have no responsibility to live up to what other people think you ought to accomplish. I have no responsibility to be like they expect me to be. It’s their mistake, not my failing.
I love this quote for a couple of reasons, mainly because it is a powerful reminder of the importance of living authentically. It challenges us to reflect on whether we are pursuing our own goals or succumbing to societal, familial, or peer expectations. Let’s explore why focusing on your own path is essential for personal and professional fulfillment—and how to make it happen.
The Trap of Comparison and External Validation
In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. Social media and professional networks often showcase curated versions of success, making us feel inadequate or behind. Research shows that comparing yourself to others can lead to jealousy, self-doubt, and decreased confidence, which ultimately hinders progress toward your goals.
For example, imagine a young professional who constantly compares their career trajectory to their peers on LinkedIn. While others may seem to land promotions or accolades effortlessly, this individual might overlook their own unique achievements—like mastering a new skill or overcoming a personal challenge.
Why Comparison Is Harmful
Misaligned Metrics: Comparing yourself to others often involves measuring success by someone else’s standards rather than your own.
Erosion of Self-Worth: Constantly feeling "less than" can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.
Distraction from Goals: Time spent envying others is time diverted from working on what truly matters to you.
The Power of Setting Personal Goals
The antidote to comparison is clarity about your own goals. Research consistently shows that people who set specific, challenging goals are significantly more likely to achieve them. Moreover, aligning these goals with your core values increases motivation and life satisfaction.
How Goal-Setting Helps You Focus
Clarity and Direction: Goals act as a roadmap, helping you prioritize what truly matters.
Motivation Boost: Achieving even small milestones can enhance self-confidence and drive.
Reduced Anxiety: Knowing what you’re working toward provides a sense of control in an uncertain world.
Real-Life Example:
Consider an entrepreneur who sets a goal to grow their business by 20% in the next year. Instead of worrying about competitors’ flashy marketing campaigns, they focus on improving customer service and building long-term relationships. By tracking their progress against their own benchmarks—not others’—they achieve sustainable growth.
Breaking Free from Others’ Expectations
Living up to others’ expectations often leads to pursuing goals that don’t align with your values. This misalignment can result in frustration and a lack of fulfillment.
Instead, focus on intrinsic motivation—goals driven by personal ambition rather than external rewards.
A note from the 2025 me: F*k [only relying on] intrinsic goals
Looking back over the past decade, I’ve come to realize that relying solely on intrinsic goals is not just unrealistic—it’s a recipe for frustration. The self-help industry often pushes the idea that fulfillment must come entirely from within, urging us to detach from external validation. But this narrative can feel like a trap, leaving us stuck in a cycle of self-blame when we inevitably fall short of finding all our happiness internally. Worse, it can make us dismiss external accomplishments—like career milestones or recognition—as unworthy sources of joy.
The truth is, fulfillment requires a balance. Intrinsic goals provide meaning and direction, but extrinsic goals validate our efforts and connect us to the world around us. It’s not about choosing one over the other; it’s about embracing both to create a more grounded and satisfying life.
Steps to Break Free
Identify Your Core Values: Reflect on what truly matters to you—whether it’s creativity, financial independence, or community impact.
Write Down Your Goals: Studies show that writing down goals increases the likelihood of achieving them by 42%.
Limit External Influences: Curate your social media feeds and avoid environments that fuel unnecessary comparisons.
Real-Life Example:
A mid-career professional might feel pressured by family expectations to pursue a high-paying corporate job. However, if their passion lies in teaching or creative work, they’ll likely find greater happiness by following their heart—even if it means earning less initially.
Focus on Progress Over Perfection
Instead of measuring success against someone else’s timeline, track your progress toward your own objectives. Celebrate small wins along the way—they’re stepping stones toward larger accomplishments.
Practical Tips for Staying Focused
Set SMART Goals: Ensure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledge what you’ve achieved instead of fixating on what’s missing.
Reassess Periodically: Life evolves; so should your goals. Adjust them as needed without guilt.
Real-Life Example:
A fitness enthusiast aiming for a healthier lifestyle might start with walking 10 minutes daily instead of comparing themselves to marathon runners. Over time, they build endurance and confidence without feeling overwhelmed.
Conclusion: Your Journey Is Yours Alone
Feynman’s wisdom reminds us that living authentically begins with rejecting the weight of others’ expectations. By setting personal goals aligned with your values—and resisting the urge to compare—you can create a life that feels meaningful and fulfilling.
So ask yourself: Whose expectations am I living up to?
If the answer isn’t “my own,” it’s time for a change.
Happy Wednesday!